How to Deal With Having Gay Parents

So you have gay parents - two fathers or mothers in a gay relationship - and feel embarrassed about it. It's not that uncommon these days, and all sorts of family units function perfectly well in the world. But you still feel a little uncomfortable when friends comment or when it's Open House at your school. Here's how to be okay with all of your conflicting emotions surrounding this situation.

Steps

1. Remember that your parents love you. If you were born after they got together, they probably went through a lot of painful or embarrassing medical (artificial insemination) or legal (surrogacy or adoption) procedures just to have you. You can always take comfort in the fact that you were dearly wanted. Maybe one of your parents is a biological parent, and you were adopted by the other. In any case you don't remember any other parents - these are the only ones you have. They adore you. They know it's hard for you, and are probably trying hard to understand and make it easier for you. They are not lying awake nights thinking up ways to embarrass you.
2. Be grateful. Realize that having two parents of the same gender is better than just having a single parent or even no parents. Some kids have lost a parent to death. Think of how you would feel if one of your dads or moms passed away. Ouch. It's a lot easier to be grateful for what you have when you think of how it would feel if you didn't have it any longer.
3. Avoid feeling embarrassed or apologizing that your parents are gay. There's nothing for you to be embarrassed about. There's no reason for you to apologize - first of all, it's not you who is gay, it's your parents. Second, there's nothing wrong with being gay. When you really think about it, you probably aren't embarrassed that you have two fathers or two mothers. You're probably more embarrassed by what your friends or the other kids at school will say or think about it. Don't worry about what others think; what is important is that you are true to yourself and considerate of others - that doesn't mean you need to cater to the sensibilities of others.
4. Remember that your parents didn't choose to be gay. Your parents are good, loving people who care deeply about you. The fact that they are gay has no bearing on the way they treat other people, and certainly does not affect the way they treat and deal with you. Anyone who teases you about your parents' relationship is probably someone who doesn't know anyone (or doesn't know he knows) who is gay. Instead of avoiding that person, why not consider:
   
   • Talk to your dads/moms about this person. Tell them that s/he teases you and what s/he says. It will help them to understand how your days go at school, and it will help you, because they will be able to offer suggestions about coping with the insults or remarks.
   • Invite the problem person to your home. Make it a group - get a few good friends, and that person plus a friend of his/hers. Ask them over just to hang out. If you can put one or both of your folks in the same room with this person, and just let him/her see that your parents are normal, kind, nice people who don't deserve to be hated simply because they are misunderstood, it will help the situation a lot.
   • Try talking to him/her. Ask him/her why s/he's giving you so much grief. You're not gay - your parents are. And so what? That would be like you giving him/her a hard time because you found out his/her mom loves and forces her kid to listen to polkas, and even makes the kid dance all the time. It's certainly different from most other parents. But it has nothing to do with him/her. It's the parent's activity, not the kid's, and the kid has no control over it.
   • Ignore it. If it's impossible to invite him/her over, or to get your folks into the same place as s/he is, then blow it off. It's a shame, but ignorance often displays itself in the form of rudeness and lame insults.
5. Have a sense of humor. Realizing that ignorance really isn't bliss - it's hellish - has its own rewards. People acting dumb out of fear or ignorance can be forgiven. If you can find some humor in the situation, try to see the lighter side. It really can help you cope better. Try to deflect remarks or unkind assumptions with a light, humorous remark of your own. Example:
   
   • "Yes, my dads are gay, but I try to look at the bright side - they're super neat and tidy, so I don't have a lot of housework chores to do."
   • "Yes, my moms are gay - so what? They've been together longer than any of the straight parents in my family. Most of the straight relatives are on their second or third marriages, so my moms are role models to the whole family - go figure."
   • "That's right, my moms are gay. You would not believe the power tools we've got."
   • "Yep, my dads are gay, but guess what? They bought me an iPod so I wouldn't have to roll my eyes all the time, or complain about all the Stresiand and show tunes they like to listen to. They'll never try to steal my music. Or my girlfriends."
6. Be your own person. You have just as much right to be there as the kids who give you headaches. You don't have to be like them to be cool. If you've tried talking to them, or tried just ignoring them, and they won't lay off, consider talking to a teacher or counselor about it.
7. Remember who you are. You are a product of what you were raised to be. Your parents love you, and you may sometimes be embarrassed about their relationship and how others perceive your family, but you love your parents, too. No matter what others do, remember this, hold onto your dignity and integrity - don't worry about the ignorant or the jerks. Worry about yourself and the kind of person you are, and don't allow yourself to be pressured into being sorry about who you - or your parents - are.

Tips

• A sense of humor and just one good friend can really help.
• Willingness to talk about it with your parents can help, too.

Related wikiHows

• How to Understand Gay and Lesbian People
• How to Accept That You Are Gay
• How to Come Out As a Gay or Lesbian Teen
• How to Start a Gay Straight Alliance at Your School
• How to Decline an Invitation to a Gay Wedding for Religious Reasons
• How to Defend Your Support of Gay Marriage Rights
• How to Get a Man (for Gay Men)

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