Saturday, 4 December 2010

How to Defend Traditional Marriage

How to Defend Traditional Marriage




Marriage. The very word creates tension whether it is an engaged couple planning their wedding or a group of lawmakers arguing in the statehouse. If you support traditional marriage, a marriage between one man and one woman, it is important to know how to deal with this tension and defend your beliefs when confronted.

Steps

  1. Remember to always respect everyone. Never bully or intimidate someone over their sexual orientation or beliefs.
  2. Think about why you support traditional marriage. Do you actually support traditional marriage, or do you just say you do? There is a difference. If you don't firmly support traditional marriage, you would be hypocritical to defend it. But, if you do firmly believe in it, ask yourself, "Why?" Your own reasons why you support traditional marriage can be your strongest argument.
  3. Listen to what the other person has to say. Don't interrupt them. If you don't listen to them, they have no reason to listen to you.
  4. Use a clear, confident voice to state your arguments. If you are mumbling, the other person won't be able to understand you. Your arguments should be based on:
    • Your personal beliefs - Ask yourself why you support traditional marriage. Then, simply restate the answer you tell yourself in your head to the other person. After the initial statement, go into why you have come to that conclusion.
    • Your knowledge - Use your brain. Back up arguments with hard evidence when possible. This will be hard to do though, since the even the most well-established facts themselves are so often disputed and even changed.
    • The purpose of marriage in society - Explain the important role that marriage plays in the world. While not all marriages result in families, families most of the time result from a marriage. A marriage binds the parents together, which is the ideal condition for raising children. Marriage is important because raising strong kids in strong families is important.
    • Drawing the line - So, now the big question is who has the right to marry whom. "Should anybody be allowed to marry anybody and raise a family?" Anybody, meaning heterosexual couples, homosexual couples, incestual couples, polygamists, and adult-child pairs.
      • State that, "All of these exist, so it would be unfair to leave one out, if attraction between couples is the question." Obviously, some of these groups should not be allowed to marry. Most people in the world, including the person you are arguing with should agree on that.
      • If they answer "yes" and believe that all these groups should be allowed to be married, you are in for a tough time.
      • So, if they answer "no" to the question, "Should all of these groups be allowed to marry?" begin narrowing down the list. To narrow it, one has to figure out which group is helping society the most, similar to how when you cook something, you strive to use only the best ingredients. Using ingredients that are not as good would diminish the quality of the food. A heterosexual couple can produce healthy children on their own. If one argues that they can have healthy children in another way, such as through adoption, a surrogate mother, or third-party sperm, they better be arguing that all three couples are allowed to obtain children by those means, or that would be discrimination. What about polygamy? Polygamists can produce healthy children just like heterosexual couples. However, the one spouse has to split their time between all the different spouses, often causing jealousy and confusion. Also, by only allowing one of the other groups to marry besides heterosexuals, it would discriminate against the others that love each other just as much.
  5. Agree, or if the discussion gets out of hand, just agree to disagree. Both of you will still have the opportunity to explore an opposing viewpoint and reach outside your comfort zone. These are things that can help a person grow and understand their own beliefs more fully. In any case, you will both probably think about it on your own anyway.

Tips

  • Always think before you judge.
  • Actually do research. Find other reasons to defend traditional marriage. If you constantly use the Bible or religion people will get annoyed and use that against you.
  • The discussion or debate should not involve yelling. Yelling means tempers are flaring and people are more likely to make irrational decisions. It also tells the other party that you have exhausted logic and have resorted to emotional outbursts.
  • Be willing to accept that your friend has a different opinion than you. It's okay. You can still be friends.
  • When debating over the legality of marriage, be cautious about bringing up religion. They might follow another religion, which would invalidate the context of your argument.
  • Always respect everyone, no matter what race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, or anything else they are.
  • Be sure you know what you are arguing, Know the difference between a marriage and a civil union for tax and partner death benefits.
  • A lot of people will say that it is the same thing as when interracial marriage was not legal. Respond by telling them that that was still between a man and a woman, there is a difference between regulating marriage and redefining it.
  • Just as you're trying to change their point of view, be open to the possibility that something they say may influence yours.
  • Try to focus on areas of agreement, even if you never arrive at an agreement about traditional marriage.
  • Don't accuse the other person of lacking family values, or not valuing tradition. That may not be the case and may invalidate your argument for them. They may disagree because of different or partial information.
  • Forgiving and thoughtfulness are needed when events seem to be gradually or rapidly moving toward circumstantial ethics and legal enforcement of other cultural views from one's own. Teaching traditions to your children -- based on fairness and kindness -- is what the reasonable person does. If one strongly disagrees with some of these changes, it will not be easy -- but remain respectful and non-aggressive, while working for your causes with people of similar ideals in your areas of interest.

Warnings

  • The other person might not agree with you no matter what you say. That's okay. Agree to disagree. The important thing is that you can have a discussion on a controversial topic without disrespecting each other.
  • Be wary that when arguing any point, you may be wrong. Realize that this is okay for anyone.

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How to Get the Right Man

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How to Get the Right Man



What do you want out of your personal life? Do you just want one short-term relationship after another? Are you waiting for the right guy to come along? Well even if he does you probably won't even know it.
Outlined below are the exact steps you need to make yourself into a vibrant, interesting, fun person; help attract the man of your dreams; and help him commit to you. Please be patient and receptive. Even if some ideas are "old news" to you, you will certainly learn a thing or two by the time you finish reading! Make sure you do not dismiss these ideas off hand. Each one of these steps have been done by many, many women before you successfully. Give each tip at least 1-2 months of HONEST effort before dismissing it. There are mainly three ways how a man chooses a particular woman, these are: preset preferences, desire for you, and/or feelings for you (woman). How does one get one or two of these?

Steps

Contents

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Attracting a Man
  1. Be prepared. Attracting a man can be extremely frustrating - if you are unsure about what to do. However, with confidence and a little bit of experience behind you, finding a man can be a snap!
  2. The first tip of dating is to imagine the type of man you're looking for.
    • Figure it out and write it all down. The top of the list should have "respectful!" Typically, "responsible, respectful, honest" are keys, and the list shouldn't go much beyond that. You should have these same traits when dealing with men. If you find your list goes on and on, you might have some soul-searching to do.
  3. Once you have figured out this man, imagine where that type of person would be.
    • Would he be hanging out at a bar?
    • Or, more likely, would you find him golfing, hiking, getting an education, or pursuing some other similar activity?
    • Make a list of 10 places that you would want your future husband to frequent. From art galleries to bookstores, anything goes as long as you are legitimately personally interested in what happens there and would choose to go there on your own.
    • Now make a point of going to those places whenever possible - as long as you continue your own, fulfilling personal life. You've probably already found that you are meeting more men just by pursuing your passions!
  4. You should dress in whatever way makes you feel comfortable and confident.
    • However, especially if you are looking for a husband, never feel that you should have to dress in a sexually provocative way to attract a man.
    • All men are a little different, of course - but if you want to dress like a lady, don't feel you need to dress more sexual than that - you will attract men who are looking for a lady.
    • In general, women dressed in a way that is either too sexual or too prudish have a harder time finding men to commit.
    • In either case, women appear to men as if they're not being themselves. A woman who dresses in an overly sexy way looks like she's trying too hard to get attention; a woman who is dressed in an overly conservative way looks like she's suppressing her natural self.
    • Make a point of confidently expressing who you are, instead of seeking approval or validation through your clothing.
  5. Know that the best flirting skills are physical ones. This doesn't mean you should be overtly sexual.
    • When you see a man who interests you, make eye contact and smile. The classic look you'll see is this: a woman makes eye contact; she notices the man watching her, blushes, and looks down; then she bravely draws her eyes back up and smiles again.
    • That description may be a bit too demure or feminine for your style, but adaptations on it hit a chord for men.
    • However, confidence is key, and subservience rarely is attractive to good men (unless that is your cultural norm).
    • Keep making eye contact and smiling, although don't be creepy.
    • If he looks shy and isn't approaching you after awhile, give him a wink; but if he looks uncomfortable and avoids eye contact, pick a different target.
  6. Once he approaches you, lean back and relax.
    • Now is his turn to talk to you. But have fun. Joke with him.
    • Gently tease him a little, nicely (not sexually).
    • Tell him one thing exciting in your life, but focus on asking him about his life and commenting on it positively.
    • If you're still attracted and he makes you laugh, touch his arm.
    • Don't look at your hand, but notice how he reacts.
    • Continue to touch him at intervals. If he starts to look uncomfortable, back off with both your body language and energy level.
    • Your smile is the key, however - men love to make women they love smile. He should initiate from there.
  7. Remember that although forcing yourself to be more masculine works for business, it is not necessarily a good thing when dating. If you are naturally masculine, that is fine - just don't suppress your natural femininity artificially.
  8. Realize that many men love the process of pursuing a woman.
    • This doesn't mean you should play games with him.
    • It does, however, mean that often men like to initiate a kiss, initiate sex, say "I love you" first, ask a woman on a date, ask her to be his girlfriend and ask her to be his wife.
    • However, there are obviously some cases where men are shy and therefore don't like to make the first move.
    • This can happen at times when you either haven't given them enough encouragement or they're simply shy.
    • During the first meeting, after you've made a connection and closer to when you both have to leave, mentioning a restaurant you've been itching to go to, some hobbies you like, or the fact that your activities for that weekend have fallen through may help to bring the process along.
  9. Remember, during dating, that while it is fun to get carried away with your emotions, it is also fun to just sit back and enjoy the moment without expectations. Especially on the first date, sit back, relax, and keep an open mind.
    • Don't worry about a label at first; just date and enjoy each other.
    • Take a deep breath and just laugh. A great part of the fun is the innocent, initial stages of getting to know each other and wondering how the other person feels. Don't rush things.
    • If things work out, he'll be calling you his girlfriend before you know it.
  10. How to get one to seven passes or flirts a week from men
    • Go out about six times a week to a busy area like a mall, downtown streets, dance. The man or men must not be with another woman or with his childeren. Other people will be there, but this works best when there are no others within the talk space.
    • When walking do not look at the ground for too long but look in the directions of people's eye levels. Do not walk too fast.
    • Walk into his or their talk space; the talk space is when audio and visual communications are clear enough. Glance briefly at least once at his eyes. Keep him or them in your field of view; do not face your back to him for too long. Do not leave the area too soon.
    • Put on decent make up and grooming. Do not wear smelly clothing.
    • Do not put on a sour face, but a neutral or glad facial expression.
    • The clothing must be feminine with feminine colours. Show some of your calves. The dress must not be oversized; should fit snugly but need not be too revealing. Wear clothes that you feel you look good in.
    • Do not woddle as a habit. Relax your body and allow it to sway freely as you walk. Do not be stiff; allow feminine body movements when working or walking; this is attractive to men.
    • Permit greeting and eye contact if he initiates greeting.
The Dating Process
  1. Understand that the most important part of finding a man is the dating process. This is where many women, unfortunately, go wrong.
    • When a man goes on a date, he's of course interested in sex.
    • But if he is looking for a relationship or marriage, he is more interested in getting to know the woman and seeing if she is the type of woman he could spend his life with. This is a slow process.
      • He watches for clingy women who make him feel uncomfortable, and focus on finding fulfilled, interesting women who like him as he is.
      • He doesn't want a woman who will take any man and then seek to change him; he is looking for a woman who doesn't need a man, but likes him in particular.
      • So men are almost more serious about the dating process than women, and slower to commit because they are very selective.
      • When a man feels like things are getting too serious too soon, before he's ready - such as sex before he feels he knows the woman well - he may run out the door out of fear of committing to someone he isn't sure about yet.
    • The man must take leadership in the courtship. Do not initiate a date. Do not end a date unless it is over three hours long.
    • Mist women do not reveal personal information to men until the man says his information. Do not reveal important personal information about your self too early.
    • Do not be affraid of giving him your telephone number; it is only for a few short chats or setting up a date, not a marriage at this first meeting.
  2. Be aware that men often have a time in life when they feel ready to marry.
    • Before that period, they often: are at an unstable financial period - in school or early in their career; date to "sow their oats" rather than dating seriously; and spend much more time engaged in risk-taking behaviors (although men will always thirst for some risk and "hunt," and will feel unhappy if deprived of it completely).
    • Once a man starts to get bored of drinking and casual dating, gets more serious in his career, and reaches other bench marks of adulthood - such as buying a house - he begins to think about marriage.
    • In some rare cases, a woman may cause the transition process to happen earlier than it would have, but this process must come when the man is ready, not through begging, pleading, ultimatums, and other behaviors that men interpret as desperate or undesirable.
    • Men will do this because of a girl, not because they are convinced to. Women who cause this change are typically very mature (especially emotionally), holding a man to a higher standard that he admires; but still fun, youthful, and engaging; "lady-like" as that man defines a lady; but still enthusiastic and fun in bed; interesting, exciting, spontaneous; but stable enough that he sense loyalty in her.
    • Men are typically changed because they sense this woman is a one-of-a-kind opportunity they don't want to let go of, a confident, self-assured, fun and interesting woman who is not asking for validation or clingy, who he can't manipulate, but who is still loving and affectionate and appreciates him in bed.
  3. Learn from them (it is possible). Women could probably take a couple of pages from this generalization of the behavior of many men.
    • First, it is important to have a fun period of life so that they feel personally fulfilled and don't resent others in the future, particularly their husband or children.
    • Next, it is also important to have fun dating, not worrying about making commitments before they truly know men, and (when pursuing serious relationships) ejecting men who are unsuitable early so they can meet more suitable candidates.
    • Being overly picky is not ideal, but women should not tolerate disrespect.
    • The first month or so of dating will be filled with chemistry, but it is important for women to also take the time to "screen" men, in the same way that men screen women, to make sure their date is someone they truly want to allow themselves to get emotionally involved in.
  4. Realize that many men are perfectly willing to date a woman and be sexually intimate with her without any plans of marrying her.
    • In fact, many men date women for years that they have no intention of marrying.
    • It is therefore important to make sure that women are clear that sex does not necessarily mean as much to many men as it does to many women, and can subject women to a lot more emotional vulnerability than men.
    • This does not indicate that men are not emotionally involved in sex, and men often do feel hurt when a woman accuses them of "using" her.
    • Still, it is important not to read into the meaning of sexual activity.
    • This is something that can be seen on a hormonal level, as oxytocin (a hormone which causes the connection sensation) is released during and after sex, but is blunted in men by the release of testosterone.
  5. Know that every stage of the relationship should be reciprocated.
    • In the early stages of flirting, if a man is not returning advances, it is wise for a woman to move on to one of the other 3 Billion men available on the planet. There are plenty of good guys around, it just takes a little time and a lot of first dates to find them.
    • Men are very careful to make sure they know a woman before they commit to her.
    • While some very shy men appreciate when a woman lets a man know she's interested, men are often frightened off by women who make very strong advances, especially of a sexual nature.
    • This is because a man who does not feel that he knows a woman very well will presume that very interested women must not be basing their desire for him on any part of his own personality.
    • He will therefore perceive advances as indications that she is desperate for any man, instead of interested specifically in him.
    • When a man has not considered the idea of a longer commitment with a woman, talking about marriage before dating at least a year (unless he brings it up first), referring to children, weddings, or any other type of strong commitment set of warning signals in a man's mind.
    • In general, a man who is very interested in a woman will make no mystery of it, will pursue her relentlessly, and suggest marriage first.
  6. Understand that in sum, men are very selective. When they are dating for fun, they are not as selective.
    • However, when they reach the point where they are interested in marriage, they are slow and careful to get to know women.
    • If a woman is anxious to commit before a man has considered the idea, he may believe her to be "desperate" and therefore avoid her.
    • However, when a man meets a mature, "lady-like" (as he defines it), fun, interesting, fulfilled woman who is not desperate, he is more likely to see her interest as genuine, and may make himself ready for marriage sooner so that he won't lose her.
Intimacy: the Next Step
  1. Between the sheets! Is there a correct time or way?
    • Some people would suggest waiting until marriage.
    • Others think the first night is fine.
      • There are plenty of examples of both methods both working and failing miserably. As with all things, a little moderation mixed with your own sense of self and confidence in yourself and your intuition is key. This is risky if you are looking for a long term relationship; "why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free". He can say he wants a long term relationship to get sex, but is this realy so?
  2. Your behavior should follow whatever you feel comfortable with. Men often can sense when a woman is acting in a way that is just to please him, including getting involved in sexual activity before you feel comfortable doing so.
    • In the mind of men, there are two types of women: women they date and/or have sex with, and women they marry.
    • It is, of course, not fair - but it is how men are hard-wired. Women are often the same - dating rebels and "cool guys" but settling down with the "nicer" guys.
    • While this may not effect the way you date for fun, it may effect how you date for marriage. When a man meets a woman at a bar, does not know her well, sees her in very suggestive clothing, and sleeps with her the same night, even while he may argue that he respects her for being sexually liberated, it is very difficult for him to know whether this is her usual pattern of behavior or not.
    • While men enjoy the sex, men are as emotionally fragile as women and are afraid of getting hurt by being cheated on. While men appreciate a woman who has some experience in bed and has enthusiasm for sex, they are also looking for a loyal partner. Do not tell or reveal about your past and current lovers; keep a lid on it and hope it never shows up. This is one reason why you should be cautious about having sexual relationships. If you are dating other men, do not tell or reveal about your other dates. Do not try to date two men at the same time and at the same place. She comes through the door for party with brother; usually this is a poor idea. Most men prefer a sweetheart that is only for him, like you.
    • Even if the logic does not make sense, just like many women, men can be scared when they suspect a woman has had many partners because they are afraid that if they do not perform well in bed, the woman will leave them or cheat on them. How should this effect your behavior? It does not necessarily imply that you should wait just to satisfy his insecurities - but it does imply that just because you know he wants to have sex or he is pressuring you for sex, it does not mean you should have sex if you are not ready.
  3. Be ready. When it comes to sexual behavior within a relationship, often women do get involved before they are truly ready.
    • Men tend to respect women who wait until they are ready, because men tend to suspect that women who don't wait are either not respecting their own desire to wait or suspect that they are the type who might cheat on him.
    • As it concerns serious relationships, the period before sex occurs is the courting period for men.
    • Many men also enjoy a woman who allows them the opportunity to court her. The period of dating before sex can be a very fun time to get to know your partner.
    • This period is pressure-free for both parties, as no commitment has been made. For that reason, it can be beneficial to allow yourself to just sit back and date, having no expectations of a relationship or sex until you feel that you really know the personality of the person you are dating.
    • This can help you to leave a relationship you don't think will turn out well without being too emotionally involved to have a clear head about it.
    • Every couple is different. Some people spend a day together and feel that they have known each other for their whole lives.
    • Some people warm to each other gradually. In general, relaxing, having fun, really getting a strong grip of the other person, and just dating before sex can help to reduce both the man's fear of committing to a relationship before he is ready, establish your own insistence on being respected, and allow either party to back out if they realize after a few weeks that the relationship will not work.
  4. Watch for hints. While each person will find their own time when they feel comfortable initiating sex, there are some hints which may help the decision to be made.
    • Some of the best advice that can be given is based on experience of others who have been though the situation and either are happy with their decision or can point to reasons why they regretted it.
    • These are, of course, simply opinions, and only you can make your final decision.
    • One of the largest obstacles in the decision is the fact that sex can have the effect of bonding two people emotionally in a way that makes it more difficult to separate based on logic after sex has occurred.
    • First, the decision should be made when you feel completely comfortable in every way, trusting the man, and not having any unresolved doubts about him. #*# It should be made before the night you anticipate initiating sex, not "on the spot".
      1. You should feel that you really know and understand him, beyond how he acts when he is on "good behavior" - in other words, that he is unreserved and you "connect" with him.
      2. Your decision should not be effected by his desires for sex. While the early months of a relationship can be extremely emotionally exciting due to a large number of hormonal factors, it is important not to ignore doubts you may have about the man and how he treats you.
      3. Are you with this person because of him, or are you thinking, "Well, it would be hard to find someone else?" If you are dating this person while specifically looking for a husband, think about whether you would actually be friends with this person and respect them if you no longer had such intense emotions towards them.
      4. Make sure you are not tempted to get engaged with sex just because you are looking for affection from him.
  5. In general, it is important to remember that chemistry and emotions can cloud judgment at times.
    • Therefore waiting (depending on how well you get to know him and how often you see him) for a period of 1-3 months will have the benefits of not only allowing you to objectively evaluate your true thoughts on the man, but also to show him that you respect yourself and do not fall for "lines" or pressure.
    • This is an excellent precedent to establish early in a relationship. However, if you feel you need to wait longer, do wait longer, or perhaps end the relationship if you still have doubts after 6 months or so (however, the younger you are, the longer you should wait.
    • No longer how sure both of you are about marriage and a future, it is always intelligent to wait until you are 18, as people do change quite a bit from year to year at that age).
    • Waiting for this length of time does have the added benefit of getting rid of men who are only interested in sex.
      • (Side note: While this may seem conservative, the writers have learned some of the following advice the hard way.)
    • Until you have made the decision to have sex, out of respect for him and his emotions, it is smart to politely stay out of his house and keep him out of yours, saying goodbye at the door, and not listening when he asks to "cuddle".
    • It is important to be nice and friendly about it, but firm. If you are waiting to have sex, it is only fair to avoid teasing him by resisting the temptation to: remove clothing; invite him to stay overnight; sleep with him; touch him in a sexual way; make overt suggestions about sex; or see him in private.
    • Once you have made the decision to have sex with him, any and all of these things are fair game and will be interpreted as a "go" sign by him.
    • Obviously it is smart to use whatever protection you feel comfortable with. This may include a condom, which is the only type of birth control that helps to protect against most sexually transmitted diseases. It is also wise to use a back-up method.
  6. Know that sexual activity can be fun, bonding, and fulfilling.
    • It can also cause you to bond prematurely with someone you're not sure about, get pregnant with someone you're not ready to commit to, or contract a sexually transmitted disease.
    • Remember to stay confident, wait until you're ready, not expose yourself to intimate situations before you've made the decision to get intimate, and use protection.
    • Remember, even when screening, you may end up having sex with someone that later hurts you. This is an unfortunate situation, but you do have to expect respect, keep pursuing your passions, get support from your friends, and move on with your life, allowing time to heal the wounds.
    • Do not punish future men with the mistakes of one man.
Cope with the Bumpy Spots
  1. Understand that is impossible to have a healthy relationship without a disagreement now and then. However, a lot of promising research that has emerged from the Gottman [1] and other institutions is giving our society a better idea of what behavior leads to healthy marriages.
    • Surprisingly, the number of arguments a couple has is not the issue at hand.
    • In fact, it was found that all couples have some unresolved issues, but successful couples are comfortably able to live with these issues.
  2. Suppressing emotions and pretending there is no problem causes some of the highest rates of divorce.
    • Contempt, eye rolling, discounting the other person's opinion, and showing disrespect are also extremely predictive of marriage failure.
    • Men are especially sensitive to criticism, and criticism and harshness towards men is a high predictor of divorce. Living together has been show to have no relationship to eventual marital success (and may even have a negative effect).
  3. Remember that "Flooding" a man with emotions is a high predictor of divorce.
    • Talk to friends first, organize your thoughts, and focus on simply expressing your feelings instead of judgments. Instead of "You always..." say, "I felt sad or hurt or angry..."
  4. Know that couples who end up being successful, while in love, are not the couples who get married while still "starry-eyed".
    • In fact, those couple are more likely to divorce. The strongest couples have settled down from the initial hormone rush to a more stable love before marriage.
    • However, loss of love and affection is a more important determinant of divorce than conflict.
    • According to one article covering Gottman's work, "Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They showed less ambivalence, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most important, these feelings remained stable over time." From "WILL YOUR MARRIAGE LAST? A NEW QUIZ REVEALS THAT THE NEWLYWED YEARS CAN PREDICT THE LONG-TERM OUTCOME OF ALMOST EVERY MARRIAGE" By Aviva Patz, Psychology Today. April 23, 2000.
  5. Honesty, intimacy, and realism are important, and "whirlwind romances" rarely make it.
    • Teenage marriages have 2-3 times the likelihood of divorce and waiting until age 22 to marry significantly decreases chance of divorce (however, waiting too long also has a negative influence on divorce rates and may signal overly picky behavior).
    • The highest success is found between the ages of 23 to 27 (University of Texas sociology professor Norval Glenn. National Fatherhood Initiative).
    • Premarital classes cut divorce rates by about a third.
  6. Know that similarity in values, backgrounds, and goals are a good predictor of success.
    • College education is also a very strong predictor. Among educated people who wait until after college to marry, divorce rates are well below the national average of about 50%.
  7. Do not engage in 'intense' arguments. One important aspect that has emerged from the Gottman Institute is the importance of refusing to engage in overly emotional disagreements.
    • When involved in arguments with a man, it is essential for you to maintain personal dignity.
    • You should be more calm when arguing that you even are normally. While this is not quite fair, someone must be proactive and mature.
    • Reasoning with a partner will only cause emotional withdrawal, which is, again, a high predictor for divorce.
    • Over time, rising above and refusing to engage in volatile arguments will teach your partner to hold himself to a higher standard.
    • At the very least, he will certainly respect you for not allowing him to disrespect you.
    • If a fight begins to emerge, simply state, "I care about you and your opinion, but I will not have an emotionally charged argument with you. I will give you some time to gather your thoughts and come back (tonight, tomorrow, etc) to discuss this."
    • This allows you to reassure him but still not allow yourself to be subjected to disrespect.
  8. Observe reactions to events. Another important factor, in research from Shelly Gable, shows that reactions to events in the partners life are highly predictive of success as well.
    • In fact, Gable went as far as to say that the only "correct" reaction was an enthusiastic one praising the partner for positive developments, but added that an occasional passive reaction would not cause divorce.
    • With the benefit of research, we now have a more realistic view of how marriage works. Emotional maturity, including resisting the urge to attack a man or flood him with emotion, are high predictors of success. Working constructively to address and resolve conflict instead of avoiding it, valuing your partner's opinions and emotions, and accepting irreconcilable differences are also strong indicators for success. Waiting until after college and a realistic image of your partner are also very important. With this realistic, research-based view of marriage, you have stronger tools to build a trusting base for your relationship.
Putting It All Together
  1. Look at the whole picture. So far, we've: created a very fulfilling life; learned to recharge our batteries and take care of ourselves so we have energy to put into our relationships; learned how men look at dating and marriage; looked at attracting men and the importance of sticking with what you're comfortable with, instead of trying to impress him; how to manage sex by respecting our intuition; and gotten a more realistic, research-centered perspective on what works and doesn't work in marriage. Now for the final step: techniques for keeping the man of your dreams at your side for life.
  2. As mentioned, it is extremely important to make a point of addressing issues when they arise.
    • Blaming, being condescending, and other judgmental are not only useless, but highly predictive of failure.
    • Instead, often simply stating feelings is enough. Practice saying the works, "I feel." "I feel sad... lonely... attacked... unhappy." Men live to make their women happy.
    • That is one of the main reasons why they don't respond well to criticism - they feel inadequate. Men want to be their wife's hero.
    • Allowing them to respond to your feelings, find a solution themselves (instead of having one suggested), and working to make their wives happy (rewarded by her happiness and smiling face) makes him a modern-day hero.
  3. Don't be needy or dependent. One of the keys to pursuing your own passions and having your own friendships is that you will not be needy and dependent on him. He will know that you have a lot going on.
    • He knows that if he doesn't schedule a date and calls you last minute, you're probably out with your friends - so he calls in advance to schedule dates (this doesn't mean disrespecting him by getting drunk and flirting with guys, but a night out with the ladies, dinner and a movie, is appropriate fun).
    • You also don't beg him for time alone. Just as it is important for you to have time with your friends, he must have time with his. That time he has, and the freedom you give him to have it, gives him time to miss you.
    • Since you are busy, too, and he's missing you on his boy's night, you'll certainly see enough of him other nights.
    • While it is important for a man to contribute to the household, it is also very important for you to watch for moments when your insecurity comes out.
    • Instead of setting a curfew like a mother would, at those times when you feel pangs of jealousy or insecurity, ask yourself, "Have I sacrificed my dreams lately? When was the last time I pursued my hobbies or saw my friends?" Don't make excuses for lack of time - take action.
  4. Know that one difference between men and women is mental processing.
    • Women tend to need a certain about of social time, often with other women, to help them process thoughts and feelings.
    • Men, on the other hand, tend to need time along. Depriving a man of his "alone time" takes away his ability to recharge in the way he needs to.
    • Attempting to force a man to "open up" will only make the process take longer. When a man feels that he is being analyzed or judged, he is far less likely to open up.
    • Men need to feel safe, and have his thoughts and feelings validated and accepted, before he feels comfortable opening up to a woman.
    • However, he still needs time alone, and women need to learn to respect this in the same way that men must respect a woman's need to have social interaction with other women.
    • For a marriage to last, men must feel safe being able to express thoughts and feelings, particularly sadness.
  5. Learn how to express your feelings.
    • The keys to dealing with your partner in relationship conflicts is expressing feelings and using the word "Regardless" - or withdrawing attention. "Regardless" is important, because no one can argue logic against emotion.
    • However, while you may feel very emotional, take it out with exercise, talking to friends, or in other ways. Your conversation with your partner, even while expressing emotion, should be extremely calm and without visible emotion. Here are some examples:
      • A man is calls you up at the last minute, asking for a late date. It will obviously lead to a late dinner, or more likely, a booty call. For whatever reason, you happen to be free that night - but of course, you were not waiting for his call as he hadn't scheduled a date. You simply had decided to stay in that night to pamper yourself. You ask him to drive over to your house. He insists you drive to his. You feel internal doubt... trust that instinct. Inside, you can tell he's trying to weasel from you what he can get at his convenience. Response? Withdraw attention. "Will you drive over here?" "No, you come to my house," he says. "It seems like tonight just won't be convenient for me. Perhaps we can get together next week." By not allowing him to disrespect you, particularly for sex, you show him you will stand up for yourself. Seeing that you won't let him get away with a more minor jerky-thing, he's less likely to be more of a jerk to you in the future, and will certainly respect you much more. A true jerk will show his true colors here - but the average guy will say, "Sorry, let's go on a real date next week." Expect your man to treat you well and he will.
      • A man is not contributing around the home. Go to him and say, "I feel sad." [this is the base emotion, which will elicit compassion.] "Why?" he'll ask. "Because I feel overworked." "But I'm working hard, too," he says. "Regardless, I feel overworked. I feel a sense of unfairness." [Notice the focus is still on feelings, which can not be argued with.] "But I took out the garbage last week!" "I really appreciate that. Regardless, I feel overworked. I feel like I do more." He can no longer argue. He sighs. "What if I started doing the dishes every other night." "Oh! That would be great - but that feels overly complicated. Every other night. I would still feel burdened overall." "Ok, every night." "Oh, thank you so much! What a great idea! You're the best, sweetie!" Sparkle. Smile. Hug him. Thank him. Practice well - research has shown that if you want to be a successful parent, you'll need to reward your kid's chores (yes, the ones they're supposed to do without encouragement!) with the same enthusiasm. And you should be enthusiastic. Becoming complacent and not showing appreciation is a very negative trait. Now - sit back, and let him do it. He may do it later than you want. He may do it differently than you want. But don't touch those dishes, and expect them to be done- they will be. Then kiss him and smile - that's all he wants, to be your hero. Notice, clearly you don't suggest the solution. He comes up with it himself. Most importantly, you have to allow him to do it HIS way, even if he loads the dishes in a less that optimal way, he still did it and is your hero! This is the only part that may seem artificial to some - but it shouldn't be. First, because researchers have shown how important support is for behavior modification. But mostly because you should appreciate what your partner does for you, and that appreciation is an important part in showing the type of support and affection research has shown to be so important in a marriage.
        • Note: if you are changing your strategy mid-relationship to a more mature manner of interacting, do not be surprised if you find conflict increasing before it settles down. You are changing the rules, which can be uncomfortable for him.
  6. Never treat your partner like a child - don't talk down to him, don't give him unsolicited advice, don't cast judgement on him, don't give him curfews or try to control him. Agree, if anything, to disagree about the way he does things. But accept the man as he is, appreciate him for who he is, don't try to change him. If you can't resist the urge, let him go for another girl who will appreciate him for him, not for what you consider to be his "potential". If you want unity find men similar to you by going to the right places. Get to know each other first ; do not marry too soon (within eight months of first sight) for a longer lasting marriage later.
  7. These important concepts are really about staying mature, respecting him, and expecting mutual respect. They have also been shown to be highly successful. By managing your own energy, time, and emotion, you will find the ability to be the stronger emotional force in the relationship leading to a lasting love and respect for the both of you.

The Key to Success

  • Well, there you have it. The keys to success in a relationship.
    • How to find the man of your dreams. Remember - it's about self-respect, self-improvement, trusting yourself, choosing the right partner and respecting your partner.
    • With these tools and a strong resolve, you'll have no trouble finding a wonderful man who will treat you well!

Tips

  • Ask him what he wants out of life.
  • How does he plan on accomplishing those goals?
  • What is he going to do to accomplish those goals?
  • Do his goals fit in with your goals?
  • Read the book "Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus" together. The name sounds lame, but it is a very enlightening book.
  • Use every opportunity you get to learn more about him.
  • Resources: Internet authors: Christian Carter; Rori Raye; Carol Allen.
  • Resources: Books: "Why Men Love Bitches," by Sherry Argov.
  • Read the book: "Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter: How to Attract Men, Enjoy Dating and Recognize the Love of Your Life" by Nancy Nichols

Warnings

  • If he doesn't want to talk to you about his future, he probably doesn't want to spend it with you.
  • If he doesn't want to spend time improving your relationship, he probably doesn't care about it.
  • "Birds of a feather flock together" If his friends are the wrong kind of people, he may well be too.
  • If you are after the right man, don't play too many games with him. A man who catches on that a woman is using him to satisfy her own ego will more than likely turn a potential romantic relationship into a disaster. If you are into the man, be 100% clear about who you are and what you want, but be authentic and don't push for a relationship too soon.
  • Even if you follow all the steps and imbibe all the tips, you may not feel that you have got the right man! This is because, neither you nor the man are unchangeable! The life itself changes and sometimes changes beyond imagination.
  • Some women knowingly or unknowingly test their men by playing hard to get. Testing his courage and confidence for in person personal talk, committment to the courtship, relationship mending ability, intellect, and loyalty to her sometimes allows the best man to get to her. Men are not perfect beings so some women do not want to be an easy catch by playing hard to get to maintain respect for them and self respect. Starting a new relationship can be stressfull and difficult, and so this must be done very carefully. Remember playing hard to get only works if your contact information is known or is available, and when you do not dissapear for one to two years.
  • Do not mislead; some women seem to act so friendly in business or professional meetings but were not willing to reveal their marital status. No one likes to be lied to. Reveal your personal motives as soon as dating protocol permits.
  • Do not ask about his problems, failures, weaknesses and dislikes before marriage. For him telling these negatives can lead to a relationship disaster.

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How to Defend Your Support of Gay Marriage Rights

How to Defend Your Support of Gay Marriage Rights



This is a controversial subject that's been in the news more and more in recent times. It's not just gay people who support the rights of gay people to marry and enjoy the same benefits as their heterosexual counterparts - many straight people also support this as a right. But many discussions of marriage rights degenerate into shouting matches over the morality of homosexuality - here's how to keep the discussion focused on the marriage issue and defend your supportive view.

Steps

  1. Calmly present your arguments clearly and without hostility. Everyone is allowed an opinion. If someone else's doesn't mix with yours, that doesn't mean you're more entitled to yours than they are. It just means that you need to be calm and persuasive.
  2. Remember that you are not likely to change anyone's mind today. Just giving someone food for thought is enough for one day.
  3. Attack, Parry and Riposte. Of course, this doesn't literally mean you attack your opponent here. It means, you can take the initiative and bring up a point that bears discussing. Let the other person respond. Then "parry" - that is, you rebut their statement. "Riposte" after they rebut your rebuttal - bring up a new point. The objective is to have a good, two-sided debate, and to do that, you have to be strong enough to speak your mind, but secure enough to allow them to speak theirs, too.
  4. Spot the appeal to maintain traditional views. If the argument focuses solely on how "traditional marriages" have historically been, then a logic fallacy is being committed. Just because something has been done one way for a long time does not mean it's the right or only way. "Traditionally," people were racist and sexist and got around in horse-drawn carriages. The fact that there is a "tradition" does not make the behavior right in the modern context. Depending on the culture and time, marriages were also "traditionally" meant to solidify business or political alliances, and had little to do with the emotions and future of the bride and groom. In modern times and most Western countries, we take a dim view of this tradition. If your opponent is worried about the "redefinition of traditional marriage," don't fight him on that - agree, and heartily state that marriage has already been redefined, many times, and thank goodness that is the case, otherwise, as recently as 1967, an interracial marriage (like the one that produced Barack Obama) would be illegal.
  5. Take It Point by Point. Don't scatter your discussion, focus it on one point at a time. Here are some examples of the arguments made by those who wish to deny marriage rights to gays, and possible rebuttal answers:
    • The argument: Society needs traditional marriage to promote new families and children who will become the leaders of the next generation. Same-sex marriage does not promote this. Rather, it promotes the wants of individuals.
    • The response: Ask if this person is really saying that marriage should exist only for the purpose of producing children? Many marriages produce no children at all, but are either childless - whether by choice, or due to infertility or age - or are home to adopted children. These marriages are no less marriages in the eyes of the federal government, or of God (ask, "Don't you agree?"). Those people are accorded no fewer rights because the two married individuals do not procreate - nor should they be. Many same sex couples either produce natural children or adopt, create new families, and are no more self-serving to the individual than any opposite sex marriage in which children are dearly wanted. The desire or ability to procreate should not determine which rights a married couple should have.
    • The argument: Gay marriage robs a child of a two-parent family, and studies show that a child without one or the other parent is more likely to be stricken by poverty or drug abuse.
    • The response: The children do have two parents. What children are robbed of, and you cannot deny this, is the day-to-day influence of one parent of each gender. That's not optimal, and it should not be argued - all children, in an ideal scenario, would have a mother and a father in the home. However, that's not always what each child gets - even with straight parents. Children suffer the loss of a parent due to all sorts of different causes: death, divorce (especially when one parent moves far away), drug abuse, or abandonment. As to the "poverty and drug abuse" allegation - this is not supported by facts. Conveniently, many opponents of gay marriage ignore the fact that there are far more children doing well while still not being raised by a mother and father in an intact family than there are in dire straits. But in many committed gay families, there are two parents in the home, with children who are well-adjusted and successful in school. In fact, a recent study showed that for the very best parental situation, one would need to be sure a child was raised by a pair of lesbians; these children turned out to be more well adjusted and have better IQ scores than their peers being raised by their own bio moms and dads.
    • The argument: It's not about Civil Rights. Gay rights should not be equated with the struggle of African Americans for their Civil Rights, they were never slaves. (Many cite Jesse Jackson here, or other African American leaders)
    • The response: Nonsense. It is about Civil Rights. Civil Rights means the rights accorded to each and every citizen of the United States being equal and across the board to all citizens. That means African Americans and gays and women and anyone else who's being denied equality under our Constitution. Thankfully, the black Civil Rights movement has greased these wheels considerably, and provided a template so that other minority groups experiencing discrimination can achieve more equal treatment in decades rather than the centuries it took for African Americans to get as close as they have (though there's still a ways to go, there, too).
    • The argument: It's a slippery slope that will lead to incestuous marriage, or even bestiality in marriage. Just because a brother and sister are in love and want to marry, the law forbids it for good reasons. If Gay Marriage is allowed, then where will it end? Why not allow polygamy, too, for that matter?
    • The response: This is the most spurious argument of all, and it's just a ridiculous one. Gays want the same rights as straights. Incest will still be disallowed. Bestiality will still be disallowed. Marriage should be the committed relationship between two persons of consenting age which is lawful in all other ways. The "slippery slope" is all in the minds of these poor people - they are so afraid their way of life is being threatened that they are grasping at whatever straw seems to be waving their way.
    • The argument: Why would traditional marriage be in Federal Law? - President Clinton signed the federal Defense of Marriage Act into law on September 21, 1996.[4] If traditional marriage was wrong, why would one of our former presidents, with the support of the House of Representatives and Senate, sign it into law? Of course, the Federal Government has made mistakes in the past on subjects such as slavery and suffrage. The difference is that slavery has been abolished and all Americans have the right to vote, while the Defense of Marriage Act is still in law.
    • The response: This one's just funny. Let's think about it. First of all, nobody, as far as anyone can see so far, has said that "traditional marriage is wrong." It's fine - for traditional couples. The reason the Federal Defense of Marriage Act was signed into law is because it was politically expedient at the time for Clinton to sign it into law. The base of support for Gay Marriage that exists today did not exist then. And, as the other person points out, The Federal Government "has made mistakes in the past, on slavery and suffrage." Now you can point out that it is making a mistake here, too. The difference is that "slavery has been abolished and all Americans now have the right to vote." Exactly. Those laws were wrong then, and this Defense of Marriage Act is just as wrong - we just haven't gotten to the point yet where it's politically expedient to abolish the Defense of Marriage Act. Yet. It may still be the law for now. But have no doubt that it will be abolished eventually, just as the others were. This argument absurdly takes the stand that the fact that it hasn't happened yet is proof that it never should.
    • The argument: The Bible speaks out against gays. Since the authors of the Bible were inspired by God, then God must be opposed to homosexuality, and since marriages are done through God, there can be no same sex marriage.
    • The response: First, let's address the specific religious point: Actually, the Bible says little on the subject; the usual citations are from Leviticus and Romans; nothing about it is mentioned in the 10 Commandments, and Jesus is silent on the subject. Religious leaders have also spoken out against sex before marriage and contraception, implying that the only time sex is 'permitted' by God, is to reproduce. Yet, couples who cannot have children are permitted to marry and have sex, so the argument loses air. Second, let's refocus the argument on marriage, and away from the general issue of homosexuality: Marriages may indeed be done "through God", but the issue is that they are also civil contracts performed and sanctioned - and awarded special benefits - through the State (the actual state you live in, and/or the Federal government). We depend on our separation of powers, the separation of Church and State for civil contracts and laws - a religious objection to a civil union of any kind (including gay marriages) must not be allowed. It is not reasonable, nor should it even be legal, for the Federal Government to enforce discrimination based on religious views. Homosexuality is not illegal in in any state (since 2003). Marriage between gays should not be denied simply because people of certain religious affiliations find it "icky" or because it's "against their religion." Unless you intend to criminalize homosexuality again, you have two law-abiding citizens who pay exactly the same taxes and must obey the same laws as their straight counterparts, but who are being denied equal rights and benefits under the law of the land. That's discrimination, and it is most definitely a Civil Rights issue.
    • The argument: They're arguing over a word. Why not just call it a Civil Union, or just keep Domestic Partnership, and let those unions carry pretty much the same rights and benefits as traditional marriage, without calling it marriage?
    • The response: Because separate but equal is not equality, and it is not good enough. "Pretty much" has never been good enough for any minority group, and never will be. Every citizen should be accorded equal treatment under the law as a Constitutional right in the United States of America. That simple. Besides, if your opponent wants to say that "marriage is just a word," then what's the big deal to him? The truth is, marriage is far more than "just a word," and that's why it's so important. And your opponent knows it.
    • The argument: Statistics say that gay people or gay couples are more violent/abusive/involved in drugs etc.
    • The response: Although the accuracy of those reports are usually quite dubious, bringing down each of these claims individually by checking the authenticity of these statistics would be time-consuming. You could ask your opponent to produce or cite the source of those statistics (usually s/he will say, "Uh... ummm... hmm. I can't think of where I saw that right at this moment but...") Besides, it's irrelevant to whether or not marriage rights should be available. If any citizen is convicted of illegal (abuse or drugs) activity, s/he should be incarcerated. But even felons can get married. That's not to say that there's any truth to the notion that gays are more abusive or violent or prone to drug use, but you make your point by saying that whether or not it was true, it would still not be relevant.
    • The argument: I don't care what they do as long as they don't shove it down my throat. I don't want to hear about it, or have to see them kissing in public.
    • The response: Whoa. By that measure, straight people may not realize it, but every single conversation with every heterosexual person in ANY kind of relationship is shoving it down our throats, and everywhere we turn, we see straight people kissing in public. Look: Think about the last time you met someone new. How long was it before they said, "My husband and I ..." or "I was just telling my fiance..." "My girlfriend..." Doesn't that tell you everything about that person's sexual orientation, without you even asking? Meanwhile, the gay person is supposed to dodge around any questions that probe into relationship or marital status. The reality is, while gay people are fine with being mostly discreet about overt or gross sexual conduct (something you can't always say about straights), gay people did NOT agree to take some sort of vow of silence and never ever mention their significant other. And when you think about it, it's a terrible thing to impose on anyone - gays must avoid any mention of their spouses or SO's, or else they must choose to lie about it, switching pronouns and the like. This ruins any hope of having an actual relationship with the person who was lied to, because it's poisoned by lying at the very start. So before you impose this on gay people, think about how many times per day a gay person witnesses some innocuous form of heterosexual affection or sexuality - and get over it if what the gay person you're looking at isn't doing anything more than that.
    • The argument: The courts and judges should stay out of it - they're trying to hijack the will of the people by legislating things voters have already decided. We should let the majority rule - if the people vote it into law, that's the way it should be.
    • The response: That is absolutely wrong. This is precisely what judges and courts are for - to adjudicate matters of inequality between parties. The courts exist to protect minorities in our country from the majority. Yes, this is a democratic society, but it can never simply be "majority rules," otherwise we might still have things like slavery. Just because one group outnumbers another, it does not mean the minority does not deserve equal treatment. The court rulings are meant to, not promote an agenda, but rather, to keep agendas out of Constitutional issues and look at the law only - not the biases of the opposing sides.
  6. Avoid the temptation to make the discussion about the rightness or wrongness of being gay in general. Keep focused on the marriage issue. That may be difficult, because it's going to be awfully tempting to the other person to make it about homosexuality in general. The truth is, that's most often why they oppose gay marriage - because they oppose gays on general religious principle. But re-focus the discussion by reminding your opponent that you are not talking about religious rights or views - reinforce the separation of Church and State idea. The government should not be in anyone's church, telling them what they have to do or accept. Neither should the church be in our government, telling it to treat one group of its citizens differently than all the others.
  7. Talk about places where gay marriage is already legal. Take a look at Canada. Gay marriage was legalized across the country on July 20, 2005. Did the traditional family suddenly break apart that day? Did straight couples suddenly feel the love and meaning of their relationships drain dry? Did moms and dads start abusing their kids and clawing for divorces? Did crime rates suddenly skyrocket? Did all hell break loose on that day? Not to anyone's recollection. Did any straight marriage suddenly become meaningless, or lose its value? Did gay marriage suddenly result in fewer straight marriages? No? What did happen that day? A lot of people became very happy. A lot of people are now granted equal rights. And that's pretty much all that happened that day. The same can be said about the states of Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa, and very soon, Vermont and Maine. And California, for a little while - since then, contrary to what the doomsayers feared, California did not experience a gigantic earthquake and slip into the sea during the five months gay marriage was legal.
  8. Recognize when it's done. Don't beat a dead horse - discuss it until you have nothing further to add, and neither does your opposition, and then graciously agree to disagree, if nothing more.

Tips

  • Remember that your opponent in this discussion is often talking from a place of deep conviction, either religious or generally moral, and is unlikely to be swayed, but is definitely sincere.
  • Be respectful of your opponent's position and attempt to educate, rather than ridicule.
  • Bring up new motivations in response to arguments from the opposing side rather than repeating the ones you have already used. This brings new food for thought.
  • Religious ideals are deeply and dearly held, and it's right that they are. The problem is that rather than following those beliefs to simply keep themselves on that path, many of these well-meaning people wish to set that same path for everyone else, as well. Reminding our opponents that their religion is not our government may be the best we can do - we can't always hope to change their ideals or views, but we can always do something to change our government.

Warnings

  • Don't let the discussion turn into a debate of homosexuality in general. This is a matter of personal ideology. Instead, argue only the civil merits of marriage rights - not the religious attributes.
  • Don't let it go on forever. Baby steps.
  • Don't yell or swear. You'll only reinforce the idea that gay people or their supporters are unreasoning and dangerous.

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How to Choose a Wedding Chapel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee

How to Choose a Wedding Chapel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee



Gatlinburg, Tennessee - second only to Las Vegas for the number of weddings that take place each year is a romantic destination at the entrance to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Because of the number of wedding chapels in Gatlinburg and the variety of services each offers, choosing a wedding chapel can be a daunting experience.

Steps

  1. Determine the budget for your wedding. There is nothing worse than putting together a package that makes up your dream wedding only to find out you cannot afford it.
  2. Visit several wedding chapels in person if you can. If you cannot visit in person, check them out online. There are several good resources for finding wedding chapels online.
  3. Use Google to search for chapel sites. "Gatlinburg wedding chapel" will turn up a great list.
  4. Speak with the wedding coordinator about important items such as the number of guests the chapel can handle, photography, reception planning, wedding cakes, flowers and lodging.
  5. A video memento of your wedding will be important to you later. Be sure to ask if they offer videos
  6. Look into other options than wedding chapels. Some venues offer all-inclusive packages that would appeal to families and friends who could combine a wedding, vacation, family reunion, etc. These days brides are wanting more than just a 15 minute chapel ceremony and 20 4x6 prints. They want an experience to remember... great photography, pampering, time to relax and enjoy, family time, great food and entertainment.
  7. Make sure that the wedding facility you choose has a website that accurately reflects what they do. Quite a few wedding websites include photos that were taken elsewhere.
  8. Do the research, visit the facility, ask a lot of questions, and go where you feel comfortable with the management.

Things You'll Need

  • A Tennessee marriage license

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How to Make a Wedding Shower Towel Cake

How to Make a Wedding Shower Towel Cake



This will cost you a few dollars and an hour or so of your time. It will draw raves from the bride to be and all of the shower attendees.

Steps

  1. Take note of the Things You'll Need, as shown below.
  2. Lay the bath towels out with ends slightly overlapped . Pin towels together and fold to a six inch width. Roll towels into a tight coil. You can roll the towels around an empty paper towel tube to add some stability. Fold the end of each coil under and pin closed. Ribbons can hide pins.
  3. Repeat step 1 with the hand towels (other directions use 2 hand towels, but 3 makes a more realistic looking layer.)
  4. Repeat step one with the wash cloths.
  5. Spray a pizza pan white to use as a base for this cake but you can use a cake stand if you prefer.
  6. The next step is to decorate the cake. Here is where the fun begins. Give your imagination free rein.
  7. Arrange the flowers around the bottom of each layer. Take one or two flowers apart and spread them over the cake.
  8. Then attach the pearls and use them to create a scalloped look from the top of each layer. Take a tiny stitch to anchor the top of each loop. Narrow lace can be used here. Attach a wedding ring to the center of each loop.
  9. How should you top your towel cake creation? A traditional bride and groom, gloves, a bell or you can get creative. A single large flower or a mound of smaller ones also work well. A hand towel fan with pearls attached looks wonderful. A large bath puff looks great here. Dangle strings of pearls from the puff.
  10. If the bride has chosen a rectangular cake you can still use this cake or you can wrap cardboard boxes or foam blocks like gift boxes then stack and decorate.
  11. Striped towels when rolled will give the appearance of horizontal striped icing, which is unique.
  12. use kitchen linen cakes for housewarming gifts but have also made them for showers.
  13. You may be surprised to find your friends or the shower guests asking you to make one of these exquisite shower cakes for a party they are attending or asking for the instructions how to make wedding shower towel cake.

Tips

  • Striped towels when rolled will give the appearance of horizontal striped icing, which is unique.

Things You'll Need

  • 2 bath towels
  • 3 hand towels
  • 2 washcloths
  • a cake board (cake stand pan or pizza pan)
  • safety pins
  • narrow ribbon, elastic or rubber bands
  • flowers (real or silk)
  • tiny string pearls or narrow lace
  • small wedding rings
  • cake topper
  • empty paper towel rolls (optional)

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Monday, 22 November 2010

How to Create Silk Flower Sachets Wedding Favors

How to Create Silk Flower Sachets Wedding Favors



Creating your own silk flower sachets wedding favors is easy and cost of the ingredients are inexpensive Silk flower sachet make an elegant gift for wedding guests. Although it's simple to make, a ready-made silk flower sachet at retail stores could run between $4 up to $12 each.

Steps

  1. Cut a piece of fabric 10"x10" and lay it flat on a table.
  2. Put some potpourri in the middle of the fabric.
  3. Lift each corners of the fabric to meet the ends together in the middle with one hand, then with your other hand grab tight the middle of the sachet until you can see the round bulky shape of sachet.
  4. Tie it real tight with cotton yarn and make sure the buds were covered with fabric.
  5. Cover the yarn by tying a ribbon on top of it.
  6. Cut the extra fabric on top by making a round shape , cut it short but not too short.
  7. Take a silk flower (just the flower) and apply some glue on the bottom with the glue gun.
  8. Stick the flower on to the top of the silk sachet and Viola! You've made your first flower sachet.

Tips

  • Heat up the glue gun before you start.
  • Cut cotton yarn long enough to tie the sachet.

Things You'll Need

  • A glue gun, a scissor, cotton yarn, potpourri, silk flowers, ribbon color and silk fabric of your choice.

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Sources and Citations


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How to Choose a Caterer for Your Wedding Reception

How to Choose a Caterer for Your Wedding Reception



Finding a caterer for your wedding is just one of the tasks that need to be arranged, but it is a fundamental one. Ideally, you want the best, but the "best" is what is considered best for you and your personal needs. So decide beforehand what your expectations are in a caterer and then follow these steps when you choose a caterer for your wedding reception.

Steps

  1. Establish a budget before meeting with a caterer and stick to it. Remember also that there are a number of factors that determine the price of meals, such as whether you will be providing a buffet or plated meal, how many options you will be giving your guests, and the quality of the food.
  2. Attend a wedding show or exhibition where you can get an opportunity to sample food from various caterers in the area. Take business cards from the ones you are interested in.
  3. Get a recommendation from other vendors that you may have decided to work with already. Maybe the site coordinator at the reception location can provide you with a list of approved wedding reception caterers that they have personally worked with. Don't forget to check with friends and colleagues for their feedback.
  4. Decide on 5 or 6 potential caterers. Any more than that will just make the process confusing and overwhelming.
  5. Save some time by calling your list of potential caterers. Ideally, you want to narrow your list down to 3 that you can visit. Ask some questions over the phone, such as their availability on the day of your wedding and whether they have a menu that meets your budget.
  6. Make a list of questions to ask your final 3 potential caterers of wedding receptions. You will be comparing these caterers and hopefully choosing the one that meets all your needs. Questions to ask include the type of menu they would suggest for your budget; whether bartenders are provided; if they accommodate for vegetarian or dietary needs; deposit, refund, and cancellation policies; gratuity expectations; and so on.
  7. Request a sampling of menu item choices. Sometimes caterers schedule tasting for wedding parties throughout the year, but if you miss one, request your own. You may have to pay for a private tasting, but the alternative may be worse. Never commission a caterer without sampling the menu that you are planning on offering.
  8. Base your final choice on which wedding caterer is willing to give you want you want. Stay away from the company that insists on trying to sell you above and beyond what you had originally planned on. You want a caterer who understands what your personal needs are and who is dedicated to making that happen.
  9. Review the contract fully before finalizing your decision. Make sure you are getting everything you want within your budget and that there are no hidden charges.

Warnings

  • Give yourself enough time to shop around. The last thing you want is to rush into a decision and be disappointed with the end result.

Sources and Citations

The http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-reception-planning/articles/17-questions-to-ask-your-wedding-caterer.aspx?MsdVisit=1
The] Knot offers a list of helpful questions to ask potential caterer.


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Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Choose a Caterer for Your Wedding Reception. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
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